So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
