New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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