i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
