omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
