Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
found the other keg... it's in the tree
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
