Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
