I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
