i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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