In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
