I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
