weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
