ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
