Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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