She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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