My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
