My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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