I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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