all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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