just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
