We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
