i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
