it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
