he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
