Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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