My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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