please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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