so explain again why im purple
no
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
