We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
