Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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