That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
