Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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