I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When are your genitals available?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
