I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
