i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
