im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
