If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
