so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
