you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
whose parrot is this?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
