We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
