yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
