I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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