what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
