It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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