It's Friday. Sex?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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