if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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