now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
