I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
