I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
