Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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