We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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